Blaming a lack of personnel for what some are calling "a return to normalcy," the Sharks' undefeated season came to a screeching halt this weekend with two uninspiring losses to the Haters. To name a few of the excuses the team dealt with: outfielder Mike Ropke was called in to work by his escort service in an emergency regarding a visiting diplomat, ground ball fuck up and pop up authority Ronnie Maiman was not able to post bail on his attempted rape charge from Thursday (and is still awaiting trial), and pitcher/infielder Mike Zang was struck Saturday night with a case of FIV - I'll save you from looking it up guys, motherfucker's got cat AIDS.
There will be no listed highlights this week, as I don't believe there were any worth mentioning. Game one saw a 15-7 loss, diminishing the Sharks' swagger while boosting the surging Haters, still a sub-500 team. Game two entered the record books as another slowpitch softball shut out, with the Sharks falling 7-0.
"I haven't seen hitting that bad since Bubby Ramirez tried to stand in there against Goldberg," team incontinence specialist Neil Griffenberg commented at a post game press conference.
In a bizarre turn of events, team physical therapist Chris "The Punisher" Caponi fucked Ropke's girlfriend. According to reports from friends huddled in the closet, he supermanned that ho like it was 2007.
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