Some Things I've Been Thinking About

This is to settle a debate I was having with Cohen.

If you sleep with a girl who you believe to be underage, but she is dead, what crimes are you charged with?

I think it's attempted statutory rape, but the attempt failed because she's dead, so she's not a person. What is the difference between attempted statutory rape and committed statutory rape, as far as the legal system is concerned? Not sure. Ask Santangelo. He once mentioned a "friend" who was involved in such a matter.

As for the dead body, there is no federal law specifically barring sex with a corpse, however many states have their own laws. New York? We're good to go. And that could be the difference between having sex with just the dead teenager or having sex with her and Bubba.

So in conclusion, if she's not a person, then you didn't have sex with her. So no, Cohen, you didn't lose your virginity till you were 32. I told you, man.