ROSTER

Alright Shark fans, it's an exciting time to be alive! Winter's finally ending, and since last season fell apart I know we've all had a piece of ourselves missing. But like me and Caponi's wife last night, that void will soon be filled!

Here's a sneak peak at this year's all star line up:

Mike Cohen - our champion from the first post, Cohen is responsible for reviving this team like a phoenix from the ashes of last year's crashed and burned attempt at a season. He's probably the most desperate to get away from his wife for half a day a week.

Mike "I Love Giving People Quotated Nicknames" Ropke has a new pair of pants, and we're told they reach all the way down to his ankles! Ropke has voiced some displeasure with their fit, claiming they will be less aerodynamic and will slow him down.

Mike Santangelo, last year's skipper, is taking a more relaxed roll this year as just a player. Maybe some bad coaching decisions last year won't be repeated this season and we will beat our personal best of one win.

Ronnie "The Natural" "Bubby Ramirez" "I Was Too Drunk To Remember Calling Myself These Nicknames" Maiman is spending his freetime coaching boy's JV this season, but if last June taught us anything, it's that he won't be able to show them how to hit a fastball. Good luck, JV.

Jesse Vella kept his calves in shape this winter training for a bid at the 2011 Iditarod.

Deyate Hagood won the school fantasy football league in the offseason and, on more than one occasion, beat off in the shower.

Jamel "Moosecock" Thomas is rumored to have picked up his new nickname in the offseason due to a cultural delicacy he found a craving for while touring the tundra of Canada.

Danny the Foreman - last name optional, big left handed swing mandatory.

Mike Goldberg - Yeah, we wish.

Avi Ribenbach is a certified gym teacher, which tells us that he definitely knows his sports and probably knows his alphabet, too.

Neil Griffenberg - not only a gym teacher, but an assistant principal! Besides Avi's skill set, this means he can probably kiss a good ass too. (Don't get me fired, Griff!)

Mike Zang - this newcomer is a welcome addition to the team, as he showed off his stuff last spring on the school field. Also between him and Griffenberg, we hope to have access to the school field for practice time!

Rueben This Guy

Russel That Guy

Scott the Other Guy

*****

Are these friends real? Let's hope so, as they bring our roster from 11 t0 16. Which sounds like a lot of bench time now, but I think we all remember what happened last year...to that end, we've also gotten old timers Chris "Ropke Fucked my Wife" Caponi and Eric "I Also Fucked Caponi's Wife" Berg to sign on as alternates, who may be able to show up in a pinch.


So there you have it. Eight returning from last year, and three to eight new guys, plus a few alternates. Goals #1 and 2 for this season - more than one win, no forfeits.

To aid this...please make sure to submit your name and however it's easiest to reach you (phone number, email, aim, bat signal) either with Cohen or as a comment here.